This fence line is full of individually designed ice crystals. As the sun began to shine on it, I was captivated by the beauty of it. The fence line and tree branches were thickly covered with a layer of ice crystals that were as shiny as white Christmas lights on rows and rows of trees on a cold winter night. I stood and stared in absolute amazement. Then I thought to myself, this is the result of a storm, of a thick smothering fog. It was the kind of fog that even the most experienced and seasoned traveler shouldn’t even be out in it, unless he/she had the luxury of traveling on a marked road that was their safety. Watching for the lines to keep them tucked safely in their own lane as they slowly inched their way to their destination.
This made me think so much about my life. How so often it seems to be as clear as this thick fog was. How in the darkest part of the storm, in the thickness of the fog, navigating in it requires complete reliance on the Lord. He sets the mark, the white line to keep me safe in my own lane. In my walk through the fog, I realize how dependent I am on him, how without him I am nothing. Is it that during the smothering fog, I’m really walking through a different type of a “refiners fire”? I feel so alone, so afraid to take a step forward because in all actuality, am I really walking forward or backwards? I can’t even see my feet! I feel almost smothered almost gasping for air, what it coming towards me, what is behind me? Will I see it again, or even at all? The panic begins to set in, then……. a still quiet voice, a soft reassuring voice of the precious Holy Spirit speaks my name. The voice reminds me who I am, I am his, he is my guide, stop and take a big breath. Calm down, you are mine, I made you, I created you, take a step, breathe, ok one more step. This repeats until finally the fog has lifted and then the sun shines radiantly on me.
I made a step for the first time in my life last night in the middle of the night. I thanked God for who I am. I thanked him for the mistakes I’ve made, for the difficult times in my life, for the blessings in my life, for it all. I realized that every time I’ve tried to be like anybody else than Sandy Rieker, that it is an insult to him. It just dawned on me that it’s ok to be who I am, how I am. Like the snow bank, or the fence line, or the ice crystals left on the tree branch, I’m individually made to shine with others. We are all individually made, that other people walk through their own type of “refiners fire” or “dense smothering fog” but when we get to the other side of it and the Son shines on his master piece we all shine together but in our own individual light.
I feel like this smothering fog has lifted once again and I feel my God standing there with me. He carried me through and I feel as though I have made the right step forward on this road called life. I know I will have more storms to trudge through but I will never be truly alone in them. He will always be there with me talking me through them, gently urging me on to take the next step.
One of my grand children always said to me, “well Grammy, that’s how God made me”! Oh so true my little man, that’s how God made any of us. So I choose today to be a light among the other lights and shine for him as brightly as I can and yet be my own unique crystal that he made me to be.